Outset
by Jem Doe
Summary: She burns white-hot, a dying supernova, for a mere second - and then it's gone, back to a reduced shadow (light?) of its former self.
1. Chapter 1

She burns white-hot, a dying supernova, for a mere second - and then it's gone, back to a reduced shadow (light?) of its former self. Alina wheezes, and looks at Mal's face - paler, deader.

"Save him, please,", she wheezes to - Tamar? Tolya? Mozorova? -, hears the faint need for light, and when she turns her hands, Alina produces a shaky ray of light, and unwanted relief washes over her. She never let herself be struck by these powers, and yet, and _yet_.

The black sky gives way to blue, and in the background, thousands of Sun Summoners appeared, chasing away the darkness the Darkling had created so long ago.

Shadow and light continue dance. Alina wins, but loses.

Mal is pronounced dead. Alina _feels_ dead.

She faints. When she next wakes up, she is alone, a glass of stagnant water by her side and the taste of apples in her tongue. Alina drinks, feeling exhaustion on her bones.

"Hey,", a voice calls, and Alina looks up (hopes to see Mal) to meet Genya's soft expression. The redhead sits by her side on the floor.

Silence moves the dust around them.

"How are things outside?", is this her voice? So raspy, so unused, so sad? Alina is unsure.

"Chaotic. There are people saying you're dead."

"I _feel_ dead."

Genya smiles.

"Go back to sleep, Alina. When you wake up again, I'll make a redhead out of you."

Alina laughs. It is a weak and hollow sound.

When Alina is well enough (can she be?), she visits Nikolai. He had a book on his lap, a bottle of _kvass_ by his side, and the gloomiest expression she had ever seen him put.

The door closes, he jumps (like loud sounds scare him), and looks at Alina for one second as she sits by his side.

Nikolai makes a witty commentary, she replies in kind, banter following soon after.

He couldn't _read_ as a monster, and by the looks of it, Nikolai was learning how to again. He passes a finger (nicked and cut and scarred with small black lines) over the page.

"So, Sankta Alina. I was going to offer you a position as a Kerch magnat's daughter, maybe a Shu princess, but it seems you're quite alive,", he jokes. She cracks a smile.

"Would you rather see me dead? _Unbelievable_ ,", Alina replies. "And to think I was going to marry you."

Nikolai perks up, and Alina regrets her joke.

"Would you?"

Alina's hand slips to the emerald in her pocket, its weight oddly familiar.

"I… I don't know,", she admits, and Nikolai nods.

"It's him, isn't it.", and it is not a question. Alina doesn't think it should've been, anyway.

"Mal had a _name_."

Nikolai's eyes tear away from her, and she feels… Guilty. It's _ridiculous_.

"Sorry,", both of them say at the same time, and look at each other with surprise. Then, like they had practiced it, Alina and Nikolai start laughing at the ridiculousness of it all.

When laughter ceases, Alina takes the bottle of _kvass_ to herself and takes a swig of it. She offers it to Nikolai, who accepts it, and after drinking it, puts it back where it was.

"You know, I can wait a few years. I'm young, I don't need to be married right now,", Nikolai muses, and Alina nods. "I have time to wait for you, hm?"

Alina snorts. _Sure_. Nikolai? Wait for someone? A joke.

"Yeah, sure. I hope that, when you die childless, the meeting to decide who will get Ravka will be peaceful,", she replied, and Nikolai made a dramatic motion.

"I cannot, then, in good mind, make my will normal. To be my heir, I'm going to need a creative poetry and symphonic music competition to be put in place."

She laughs, and when the sound startles her, Alina laughs more. Nikolai soon joins her, and she decides she'll later blame this on trauma.


	2. Chapter 2

Alina goes back to Os Alta. The palace stills seems cold and unforgiving.

She cannot sleep. Her mind goes back and back and back to Mal and (Aleksander) the Darkling's burning bodies, the light burned in her eyelids. Sleep doesn't come if she's not so utterly exhausted her dreams can't reach her, so she haunts the empty halls with small balls of light illuminating her path.

Somehow, she finds her to the king's chamber. Alina stops, noticing the only guard there is asleep, takes a deep breath, and knocks.

Nikolai calls out. Alina double takes, frowning, and entering the messy, well-lit room Nikolai calls his, finding him hunched over a series of projects.

"I always thought _people_ slept at night,", she jokes, and sees the dark bags under his eyes. "Seems like I was wrong."

He laughs. It's dry, and Alina slips near, half-regretting her words.

"Can't sleep,", he mumbles, clearly half-asleep. "It's too dark."

"It's night,", Alina replies, nudging Nikolai so he can rise up - and he does. His scarred hands look for her to support, and she obliges. "It's supposed to be dark."

"If the lights go out, I wake up, and… I _forget_ ,", Nikolai mumbles, steps uneasy on the floor. "I forget I'm not…"

 _Ah._

"I see.", she says, and he snorts, Alina putting him to bed like a child, sitting by his side (over the covers). She makes a small ball of light, and Nikolai closes his eyes, exhaustion showing on his angular face. Alina may be staring - he looks vulnerable. That is new on him. "How have you been sleeping, then?"

"You'd be surprised at how much shuteye a king can get away with during boring meetings,", Nikolai yawns, quietly, and she passes a hand through his golden hair. It felt soft. "That's sort of nice."

"Sleep, Nikolai. It'll be dark when I decide it's dark,", Alina says, keeping her light, and Nikolai nods off almost immediately.

Alina closes her eyes, and Mal and (Aleksander) _the Darkling_ greet her, burning. It's familiar. It's a terrible sight.

Mal smiles in death before turning to ashes. Alina curls into herself, and does not fall asleep. It does make things awkward when sun breaks and Alina decides to leave, and meets with the changing guards outside.

It's Tamar. She raises an eyebrow at her, and Alina, feeling her face burn, avoids running away for three seconds, enough to smile and wave, and only then runs.

She stays in her room all day, under the covers, sleeping in bouts when Mal doesn't wake her up by dying, or when Morozova comes from the sky and makes little girls start breathing again, or when (Aleksander) _the Darkling_ makes the Not-Sea bigger, stronger, with more volcras.

Nikolai knocks. Alina peeks from under the covers, and balances letting him in versus letting him out.

One outcome may result in poetry. Alina rises up from her warm alcove and quietly treads to the door, opening it to find Nikolai dressed for dinner. Alina was still in her pajamas.

"Tamar told me some interesting things, today,", he grinned, incredibly childlike, and she scoffed. "Something about…"

"All lies, I am sure,", Alina interrupted, inviting him in silently. Nikolai obliges, and Alina closes the door just in time to see Tolya block her vision from some ladies of the court looking on. "So, _moi tsarevich_ , not worried about rumors?"

"What's a few more?", he replies, smiling cockily. Alina offers a stifled laugh. "Come on, have dinner with me."

"Sure.", she replies. Nikolai offers her an arm to hold, and Alina accepts it.

"Your arm feels so nice against mine,", he hums, and Alina looks curiously at him. "We should get married."

Alina laughs, and Nikolai joins her.

"No, really."

"Maybe next time,", Alina replies. Nikolai sighs, resigned, and they keep moving forward.

It's a beginning. Alina can do beginnings. And if a beginning contains Nikolai, well, Alina won't mind as much.


End file.
